baby steps for dorks

Oh my lord, I'm a dork. Hopefully a lovable dork, but a dork nonetheless. Here was today's awkward moment. 

At church this morning, they announced that for the next two Sundays couples could get free portraits taken. This is cool project started five years ago by this guy named Brad, who is a professional photographer. His wife, who he was devoted to, died suddenly the year he started this project. In looking through photos, he realized that he had no portraits of them as a couple. He had always been on the other side of the camera, and he regretted not having a shot of them together to cherish. He decided to donate his services to make portraits of couples so that others would be assured of always having their special bond captured in print. This happens on the Sundays around Valentine's day. It is a huge task, as our church has thousands of couples. 

I'd been thinking this past week that I'd really like to shadow a professional photographer sometime, just to learn and observe. Ahah. During the service, I convinced myself that Brad might need my assistance. Maybe he needed a number taker, gopher, whatever. He is also an usher, the one that greeted us as we entered today, so I knew he was in the building. He does not know me  one iota. As he is a professional photographer, church bigwig/usher, I was somewhat intimidated, though determined, to approach him and offer my services. 

At the closing hymn, I tell QG my plan, then make a b-line out the door to scan for Brad, with QG trailing behind. Spotting him by the lobby water feature, I rush up, stick out my hand, and blurt something like, "Hi, I'm Kim and I'm obsessed with photography and I was wondering if you need any helpers next week. Of course, you might be already booked with helpers, so no pressure if you are, but, well, I've been taking some photography classes, and I really love it, I'm really obsessed with it, and I'd really like to help with this project if at all possible."

After that, dead silence. He looked a bit frightened, but rebounded quickly. "Aaah, I don't know about all of this obsession business, and I do already have my buddy Don, a photographer I work with, shooting with me, but if you want to come and see how we do it, we'll be setting up at seven. It's going to be pretty busy, but we'll try to answer any questions you might have."

Score! I gave some long-winded, rambling response to the affirmative, then introduced him to QG when he inquired who that dude standing behind me was, then QG and I scooted out to get to yoga in time. Whew. A baby step in my photographic development had been secured. Normally, I'd mentally review this exchange a few dozen times, berating myself for coming across so goofy that Brad will surely think I am some kind of a nut, but I've recently decided to give that kind of thinking up. I decided we all do our best along this journey, and that is the important thing. I used to think the next step had to be the perfect one, which was often stopped me doing anything. I had analysis paralysis. Now, I realize there often is no perfect step, which is freeing. All I have to do is take one baby step in the right direction, see where that leads, then take another.

It's similar to my Thursday Craft Day with Morgan. I've been wanting to do some kind of thing with kids, but the choices on where to volunteer, time schedules, etc stalled me for an entire year, so I decided on this small thing. It is awesome. I want to expand to more, but for now, this is good. Of course, last week's craft was some way complicated Valentine's day decoration I dreamed up involving wire, leather strips, braiding and raffia. Note to self: make a sample first to see if a craft is do-able. Fifteen minutes in, we ditched that mess, and I got out my box of beads to string necklaces. Morgan was most happy with her creation! Here it is.