Friday, October 19, 2012

the gratitude project

Do you ever struggle at staying perfectly happy and buoyant? I do. I mean, usually I'm pretty chipper, but occasionally  Mister Sad Eyes comes a'knockin'. I hate that. I want to be this person who is cheerful everyday no matter what. Oy. I know that is silly and impossible but still, it's my goal. I got to thinking it is just like fitness. I can't sit around wishing to be perfectly fit. I need to develop good habits and stick with them day in and day out. That means going to the gym even if I don't feel like it. That means only eating a half cup of ice cream when I want to eat a gallon. In other words, it is not easy, but involves a steady, sensible application of effort. 

 I am trying to teach myself the habits of happiness. I'm reading books like The Art of Happiness, trying to have realistic expectations, practicing stillness, and praying. But changing how you think is slow work. Usually when I'm blue it's because I'm hating on myself or am afraid that I've disappointed somebody. I've read that learning to fully love and accept yourself as you are is the hardest job in the world. We all want to be lovable and we're afraid that we're not. When I am feeling self-critical, it helps to list five things I am grateful for. I am trying to do this each day until Thanksgiving. Hopefully, by then it will be a habit I stick to, thus improving my emotional fitness. Today I am thankful for:

 1. My two new goldfish: Charles and Sally Huckleberry
2. Granola
3. Flowers
4. The music of Anthony Natividad
5. The word LAVISH. I love everything about this word.
The truth of the matter is that we are all, each one of us, fearfully and wonderfully made. Believe it. 
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6 comments:

  1. LisaOctober 19, 2012 at 5:15 PM

    Kim, I really enjoyed this post. Fearfully and wonderfully made is actually a verse in the Bible Psalms 139:14 "I praise you (God) because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." I love the idea of loving myself and just resting in the fact that God made me and loves with all my cracks and defects. I also love the idea of giving thanks - giving thanks is the best primer for joy- good word Kim. I also love Sally and Charles- cute couple. I am thankful for you Kim and your wonderfully inspiring blog.

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    1. UnknownOctober 20, 2012 at 5:39 AM

      Thanks, Lisa. You are such a thoughtful writer and I appreciate your words and you.

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  2. AnonymousOctober 19, 2012 at 7:22 PM

    Was it Billy Joel who sang "Don't go changin' to try and please me; I love you just the way you are". I already view you as the perfect person with the perfect life (as an adult) and perfect family. Well, nothing is actually perfect, but if you get much better, I won't be able to stand it! We have to be sad, sometimes, or we can't appreciate being happy. Luv you, mm

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    1. UnknownOctober 20, 2012 at 5:57 AM

      You're right about the sad times making us appreciate the happy. I'm just trying to keep those to the absolute minimum. When I was a kid, I was required to be happy at all times, so any time I felt sad or mad I had to hide it, or I'd get chewed out, and I'd feel guilty on top of it. What a tangled web we weave. Of course I'm an adult now, and I realize that was crazy, but it is difficult to change ingrained beliefs. The good news is that I am making progress. Your point is important to remember. Rain makes the flowers grow. I appreciate your kind words and self. You have been such a blessing to me. Love ya.

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  3. UnknownOctober 20, 2012 at 9:48 AM

    Praying that our "encourager" may find encouragement herself this day! Thank you for adding the richness (rich like warm chocolate cake) of your authenticity to my life and for sharing the journey. You are right, being yourself is a very hard thing to do. It was not ok to be "myself" during my childhood, also, and I've been adjusting myself, working this out throughout my whole adult life. . . It is so appreciated to see how you have and are working out some of the kinks. My journey has been similar, yet in a different family setting.
    Actually I am having an "off" day myself and watching The Killing, 1st season. It's awesome . .good acting and good plot. I've jotted down some of your movie/book recommendations.
    Do you sell any of your photography?
    Sending a cyber hug, Anne PS. Has anyone told you that you are a great writer?? (-B You should write a novel!

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    1. UnknownOctober 20, 2012 at 8:27 PM

      Anne, thanks for commenting. I am honored. You and all of Karen's friends were my idols back in the day. I thought you were all perfect and fashion icons to boot. It is interesting how much there is to learn the older you get. And I know what you mean about working it out over time. It's like I can't truly make a change till it works all the way through my body mind and spirit, as they are all so related. That said, writing and journaling have been my most instructive tools. I'm glad you are enjoying The Killing. I've done a couple portrait jobs, but have not sold any photos otherwise, as I am still learning, but I'd like to some day if possible as taking pictures is about my favorite thing to do. Take care. Cyber hug back. You're awesome.

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